O wandering gaze!

O wandering gaze
Fix your eyes on Jesus

O doubting, questioning heart
Fix your eyes on Jesus

It is He that calls you
He who set you apart
He who knows you better than you know thine self
Your intricacies, beauties and ugliness
He knows and loves you

No matter what you do
They wont fully get it
They wont fathom your path
   or you...
For you see,
They only see in part.

I implore you
I beseech you
I beg you O my soul
Fix your eyes
Not on them
Or on the perishable
   here today, gone tomorrow
Fix your eyes on Jesus

image source:http://www.ccesonline.com/dev/fixyoureyesonjesus.htm

"In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it." John 1:4-5

Legacy of faith

" I don't care whether my great grandchildren know my name or not... but there is a name. A name that is above every other name. A name that I would like them to know. because knowing that name will be the difference between life and death. " 
- Pete Bradbury (paraphrase)

I just want to take this time to say thank you to Daddy and mummy:

You see... I have not always appreciated my Christian heritage because when I was growing up I sometimes felt like it contributed severely to me being a misfit. I can remember a gazillion TV shows which everyone would be talking about at school that had been "banned" in our home. From Riviera to Sunset Beach and even Generations!!!(seriously??!) I even remember the time Daddy sat to watch Friends with us and when the show was over, he asked us to turn off the TV(which he called "the box") and discuss what we had learnt! (Aby's lessons were the best! Claiming to have learnt the opposite of what was being portrayed on the screen e.g "I learnt NOT to have sex before marriage" :-D hehehehehe)

Anyway... I also felt like because of you, many of my friends did not think I could not really understand many of their challenges at home. I would be kept out of conversations because "what did I know anyway?"

But I see clearer now. And I thank you.
Thank you for being exemplary. The faith you spoke about in public is the faith we saw at home. From how you dealt with the house-helpers (who in our home are called Domestic assistants and could even get rank promotions!) to the way you disciplined us. Your faith was never a show. It was real. I could see how it affected your lives. How it affected how you dealt with people from all walks of life.

Thank you for not being afraid to be vulnerable. Not hiding your weakness from us. Sharing even your doubts and struggles in the faith. Listening to you ask God "why" while still coming back to Him helps me overcome my doubts and struggles because I knew that even real Christians can struggle. And as we have grown older, you have increasingly opened up to us about many of your challenges in work, calling, marriage, finances, shared your lives with us and allowed us to really see you.

You have given many things to us but there is nothing more valuable than this faith. I am truly grateful that you shared your faith which is your life. Thinking of you I can confidently say that walking with Jesus does make a difference in life! I want to be like you when I grow up! Help me Jesus, I still falter way too much.

Thank you Lord for Daddy. Thank you for mummy. Thank you for Daddy and Mummy.

Work it!

This is how it starts..

       

But it can become this:

Does it take time, patience? Yes.

Does it take work, effort? Yes

(This seems pretty obvious huh? Yes)

Is the process the same for every plant type? No! Some people even get grafts to get them started but others, seeds.

Alright Grace, you know what you gotta do!

"Don't spend time praying for fruit when you are holding the seed in your hand. Its time to work it!" 
T.D Jakes (paraphrase)

May God help us to maximise the opportunities and gifts that He has given us, to do the work that is required to grow and become better so that we shall not be like that third servant that Jesus talks about in the Parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30). That even when it seems scary knowing how many things COULD go wrong, we shall step out in faith and do what we need to do.


Special thanks to google images for some of the pics captioned here;-)

Learning to be okay..

There are times that I read words that I just cant shake; such as the passage below which is an excerpt from Paul's letter to the Philippians: 

"How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ,[a] who gives me strength."

I still don't really know how to be okay regardless.
Whether people "get" me or not
Whether I excel  or not
Whether I have what I want or not
Whether I am here or not

Here refers to more than just Australia(geographical location) to include where I am at within myself, where I feel like I fit (or don't) within the society, where I am in my journey of life with reference to where I want to be...

Paul says he learnt "the secret" of living in every situation. It seems he learnt it so much that even though change was welcome, he was okay without it. Eh!!!! How do I be like that????

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I am learning that that involves some of the stuff that Paul speaks about earlier in the chapter: 

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I am still learning. 

Speaking of learning.. there is this song! Do have a listen when you can. Not sure if these pretty girls still find time to sing together...But they are damn good!

Have a lovely end of week.

Marriage Foxes and Boxes

"Quick! Catch all the little foxes before they ruin the vineyard of your love, for the grapevines are all in blossom."

Song of Songs 2:15

Our wedding anniversary was about a week ago. I am still very excited that we have made two years in marriage - Yaaaay :-) I took sometime out to pray cause my heart was a bit heavy and I realised the bu foxes that were trying to disturb our vineyard. Thankfully, I have started chasing them nga bukyali. It is kinda hard to explain but I have tried and written about it below. For the first time ever, the husband is featuring on the blog in person!!! (He commented after I showed him my writing and I decided to include it :-) 

I pray that God will help you to see the things that could ruin your wonderful relationships so that you can face them and sort them and your love can blossom. Sometimes they can be really small things like sand in shoes...

Grace's Jazz:

No, you don't fit
You never have
The edges are too straight
The height is not right
You don't fit in that box

Or even in the other boxes that I read about on facebook
Or in romantic novels
Or in magazines or newspapers
No
You don't fit there either

Why do I keep forgetting this?
I guess maybe it's because I just find myself comparing you to what I have known
Or what I have come to expect
My extrapolations of my previous experiences
Or even those of my friends
Are projected onto you my love

I know that when you look at me
You see no cardboard
You see me
Strong and weak
Beautiful and ugly
You see me

I am sorry
For not stripping the cardboard
And seeing you for who you are
You
My love and the desire of my heart

The husband's reply:
I am happy that I do not fit in a box
I fit with you
I wasn't made for the box :-)

Dangerous seed!

image source http://vermontcompost.com/compostopedia/gardening-tips-seed-sowing/

I remember the evening I was in the hospital winding up for the day when She came... 

I found her lying on the hospital bed. A young adolescent all by herself... crying and afraid. She told of how she had had some trouble at the home where she lived and had gone to report to the police. The policeman offered to help and said she could spend the night in the cell. That night he raped her. Not knowing where to turn, she kept this to herself until she overheard rumours that the policeman was HIV positive! One week after the dreadful nightmare, She finally found courage to seek help.

I shuddered. I shuddered not only because of her pain and humiliation but also because the doctor in me did not know how to help her. You see.. in order to build a good case against a rapist, one needs 'medical evidence' which is often bruising from the vaginal mucosa that is mostly visible within 24 or maybe 48 hours of the incident (and that is really stretching it). Unfortunately because of the rich blood supply in the groin area, healing happens pretty fast unless one develops very severe injuries which is not always the case. It gets worse... The medication given to protect people who have been exposed to HIV from acquiring the infection (a.k.a post exposure prophylaxis) is most effective within the first 24-48 hours of exposure and the efficacy decreases over time. However, the free medication can be offered up to 72 hours after. She came in after a week :-( 

In conversations with my friends, I realised She was not alone and it was not always a stranger.

Volunteering in the slums, I heard her voice again... 

Many of these girls were often exposed to guys.. men.. uncles.. mother's boyfriends who took advantage of them. They too, did not know where to turn.

Do you know what is universal among all these girls who have been violated? It's not that they all had long or short hair, were a particular skin shade, wore particular clothes of a certain length or tightness... It wasn't that they all wore make-up or even spoke the same language or lived in the same community. It was rather that they all felt shame and guilt following the experience. The kind that is unfounded but hard to erase.

By now most people who have taken time to read it know that the Ant-pornography bill which was recently passed in Uganda (that has been famously called the mini-skirt bill), actually has nothing to do with mini-skirts. However, unfortunately it has been portrayed thus largely by the media and leadership figures such as the minister of ethics. Perceptions like these result in incrimination of women for perverted and often unremorseful actions by men which should be unacceptable. In a weird way, the nature of the publicity for this bill has 'legitimized' bad manners by men in the country who will obviously not take time to read the actual letter of the laws. It has sowed a very bad seed affecting how men view women; an aspect well illustrated in a blog post by Melanie Kitongo. 

Instead we need to be protecting our women. Empowering them to see that NO, IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT!!!! Men need to be admonished to behave responsibly. Perverts and NOT the vulnerable need to feel uncomfortable in our society. We need to be teaching girls how to protect themselves and what to do if they are attacked. We need to also be advocating that our police forces be safer for the public.

A very bad seed has been sown! I hope that following the review of his bill, the media, minister and law enforcing agents in the country will act to protect not expose the vulnerable in our society.

For God and my country.

image source: http://www.thisisafrica.me/opinion/detail/20026/how-decent-is-decent-one-minister-s-sentiments-may-represent-a-larger-problem-in-uganda

"Oh sorry, did my dress make you feel like RAPIST today?? "image source: http://www.scmp.com/news/hong-kong/article/1090759/march-challenges-bias-about-rape-victims

image source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/229894755949121092/

Falling

A couple of weeks ago I went to the Gallery of Modern Art(GOMA) with a friend and the experience was nothing like I had expected. I could not have anticipated the intensity of the somberness or deliberation that it triggered. I found myself quiet (yes, me quiet) and (wait for it...) thinking critically and analytically about my life!!! All this just from viewing a display!!! Man! I was so emotionally drained that I wasn't even able to tour the rest of the gallery and had to head home; very exhausted.

Below are a few shots of the display that did this to me (trust me, the pictures do not do it justice!)

It was called "Falling back to Earth".  The wolves come from different places and begin their journey to the "top". They seem to be making progress.. going higher and even soaring

But.. when they least expect it, that's when IT happens! They hit this invisible wall and start "falling back to earth". 

In the picture you might be able to see how some remain down and struggling after the fall but there are also those who are clearly contemplating rejoining the trek back to the top.

Is it obvious yet how that made me think about life like in an overwhelming way???? Man! The artist (Cai Guo-Qiang) also mentions in a caption at the gallery that the most difficult barriers to overcome are the one that we cannot see. Hmmmm... It is such a fake feeling to feel like you are going round in circles and not making any real progress. Those times when  it is not even clear that you have 'learnt' anything from that past experience but keep repeating the mistakes or whatever. Heb 12:1 says

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us..."

May God help us to identify the "barriers" in our lives, to pay attention and see which things are keeping us from growing in our faith, becoming better in the areas that He has placed us. May He help us to not only see but do the work that it often takes to address those barriers. It's obviously not going to be easy or straightforward that is why the Bible uses words like endurance. We can't give up.  He has got us and actually has good plans for us.

Obviously, there are some barriers that are beyond our control. But even then, by the grace of God, we can get up again and be able to live a life abundant because of God who

"... is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" (Eph 3:20)

Images from http://bmag.com.au/your-brisbane/brisbanes-voice/laura-s/2013/11/25/cai-guo-qiangs-falling-back-earth/; http://blog.qag.qld.gov.au/tag/cai-guo-qiang-falling-back-to-earth/; http://www.pinterest.com/9melons/9melons/