Dangerous seed!

image source http://vermontcompost.com/compostopedia/gardening-tips-seed-sowing/

I remember the evening I was in the hospital winding up for the day when She came... 

I found her lying on the hospital bed. A young adolescent all by herself... crying and afraid. She told of how she had had some trouble at the home where she lived and had gone to report to the police. The policeman offered to help and said she could spend the night in the cell. That night he raped her. Not knowing where to turn, she kept this to herself until she overheard rumours that the policeman was HIV positive! One week after the dreadful nightmare, She finally found courage to seek help.

I shuddered. I shuddered not only because of her pain and humiliation but also because the doctor in me did not know how to help her. You see.. in order to build a good case against a rapist, one needs 'medical evidence' which is often bruising from the vaginal mucosa that is mostly visible within 24 or maybe 48 hours of the incident (and that is really stretching it). Unfortunately because of the rich blood supply in the groin area, healing happens pretty fast unless one develops very severe injuries which is not always the case. It gets worse... The medication given to protect people who have been exposed to HIV from acquiring the infection (a.k.a post exposure prophylaxis) is most effective within the first 24-48 hours of exposure and the efficacy decreases over time. However, the free medication can be offered up to 72 hours after. She came in after a week :-( 

In conversations with my friends, I realised She was not alone and it was not always a stranger.

Volunteering in the slums, I heard her voice again... 

Many of these girls were often exposed to guys.. men.. uncles.. mother's boyfriends who took advantage of them. They too, did not know where to turn.

Do you know what is universal among all these girls who have been violated? It's not that they all had long or short hair, were a particular skin shade, wore particular clothes of a certain length or tightness... It wasn't that they all wore make-up or even spoke the same language or lived in the same community. It was rather that they all felt shame and guilt following the experience. The kind that is unfounded but hard to erase.

By now most people who have taken time to read it know that the Ant-pornography bill which was recently passed in Uganda (that has been famously called the mini-skirt bill), actually has nothing to do with mini-skirts. However, unfortunately it has been portrayed thus largely by the media and leadership figures such as the minister of ethics. Perceptions like these result in incrimination of women for perverted and often unremorseful actions by men which should be unacceptable. In a weird way, the nature of the publicity for this bill has 'legitimized' bad manners by men in the country who will obviously not take time to read the actual letter of the laws. It has sowed a very bad seed affecting how men view women; an aspect well illustrated in a blog post by Melanie Kitongo. 

Instead we need to be protecting our women. Empowering them to see that NO, IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT!!!! Men need to be admonished to behave responsibly. Perverts and NOT the vulnerable need to feel uncomfortable in our society. We need to be teaching girls how to protect themselves and what to do if they are attacked. We need to also be advocating that our police forces be safer for the public.

A very bad seed has been sown! I hope that following the review of his bill, the media, minister and law enforcing agents in the country will act to protect not expose the vulnerable in our society.

For God and my country.

image source: http://www.thisisafrica.me/opinion/detail/20026/how-decent-is-decent-one-minister-s-sentiments-may-represent-a-larger-problem-in-uganda

"Oh sorry, did my dress make you feel like RAPIST today?? "image source: http://www.scmp.com/news/hong-kong/article/1090759/march-challenges-bias-about-rape-victims

image source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/229894755949121092/

Falling

A couple of weeks ago I went to the Gallery of Modern Art(GOMA) with a friend and the experience was nothing like I had expected. I could not have anticipated the intensity of the somberness or deliberation that it triggered. I found myself quiet (yes, me quiet) and (wait for it...) thinking critically and analytically about my life!!! All this just from viewing a display!!! Man! I was so emotionally drained that I wasn't even able to tour the rest of the gallery and had to head home; very exhausted.

Below are a few shots of the display that did this to me (trust me, the pictures do not do it justice!)

It was called "Falling back to Earth".  The wolves come from different places and begin their journey to the "top". They seem to be making progress.. going higher and even soaring

But.. when they least expect it, that's when IT happens! They hit this invisible wall and start "falling back to earth". 

In the picture you might be able to see how some remain down and struggling after the fall but there are also those who are clearly contemplating rejoining the trek back to the top.

Is it obvious yet how that made me think about life like in an overwhelming way???? Man! The artist (Cai Guo-Qiang) also mentions in a caption at the gallery that the most difficult barriers to overcome are the one that we cannot see. Hmmmm... It is such a fake feeling to feel like you are going round in circles and not making any real progress. Those times when  it is not even clear that you have 'learnt' anything from that past experience but keep repeating the mistakes or whatever. Heb 12:1 says

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us..."

May God help us to identify the "barriers" in our lives, to pay attention and see which things are keeping us from growing in our faith, becoming better in the areas that He has placed us. May He help us to not only see but do the work that it often takes to address those barriers. It's obviously not going to be easy or straightforward that is why the Bible uses words like endurance. We can't give up.  He has got us and actually has good plans for us.

Obviously, there are some barriers that are beyond our control. But even then, by the grace of God, we can get up again and be able to live a life abundant because of God who

"... is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" (Eph 3:20)

Images from http://bmag.com.au/your-brisbane/brisbanes-voice/laura-s/2013/11/25/cai-guo-qiangs-falling-back-earth/; http://blog.qag.qld.gov.au/tag/cai-guo-qiang-falling-back-to-earth/; http://www.pinterest.com/9melons/9melons/

Sharing food

One day when I was frustrated that I hadn't been hearing rich Bible teaching, I grumbled to my dad and he said to me: What does a mother eat? (As I was still contemplating on the weirdness of the question, he answered himself) She eats on what she has cooked.

I guess I honestly haven't been 'cooking' much of late. Making a cup of tea and warming food from others is kinda different. Obviously eating out is great but doesn't always rock (Last time we went to our ka fave Thai restaurant, they served us food which was rather stale). Even though cooking is not always rewarding, it nice not to be dependent on someone else for all your eating.

So, at the moment, I am going through the book of Daniel and enjoying it! I find it strange how even though I knew most of the stories, they are fresh and I am being challenged in a scary way. Currently living in a foreign country, oba I 'identify' with Daniel in a new way. Him and his friends were not just foreigners, they were captives but they did not aim at 'fitting-in' or 'blending-in' or doing stuff so they could be highly regarded by the officials overseeing them... rather, their standard was God. Their allegiance, service or whatever was to God.

I look forward to the day I learn that lesson once and for all! The day I learn 'for rio' and it actually sticks in my  head that I should NOT aim to please people but God; that'll be the day I take the world by storm! Anyway, the learning curve continues! In Daniel 1, it mentions how he was determined not to defile himself. Guess his demeanor was not a coincidence- it took firm resolve for him to be thus. Something that a friend of mine calls DELIBERATE EFFORT.

Well, Daniel and his friends said no the king's food that was served to them(how do you even do that when you are just a captive?Dryness I tell you!). In addition, despite the possibility of severe consequences, they also refused to bow to  a statue that the king had erected and when asked to explain their actions they said(Italics- me):
“O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. (Huh? I think maybe you do seeing as you are captives and he is like ummmm the powerful king?Anyway... they continued to jazz..)
If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us(the Babylon pips didn't even know about this God). 
He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty(still managing to sound respectful). 
But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you(Huh? who are you again?), 
Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.”

These guys were clearly not blending-in! It did not matter that everyone else was 'doing-what-needs-to-be-done' to get by. It did not matter what the consequences could be. Even in this foreign land, they did not bow down to the idol. Having been captured and taken to Babylon could have made them feel like God had abandoned them and besides, no one back home would know or care about such 'trivial details'. But even here, they honoured the God who is unseen. 

I pray that God will help us to be deliberate about living for Him even when we are in situations where we could best be described as the under-dog. I pray that it shall be clear to us to whom our allegiance is above all and that will cause us not to be lazy bums but people who seek to honour God wherever we are whatever it takes. May we stop being afraid of being different from everybody else and learn to say NO so that there is real power in our yes. Also, may we take time to do some cooking ;-)

Image from http://londonerfromafar.wordpress.com/2013/01/27/cooking-eating-eating-cooking/

Dear Sir-mwami,

I know you are not into Vals day
But you know that I TOTALLY am!
It is just one of the many adjustments you have made since us.
You keep doing that-
Making room for me :-)

This morning I looked at you
There you were taking care of me,
Tending to me like I am your precious flower garden
Yours
Your garden
My heart swelled with joy and something else
I can't just find the right word.

I am no poet
But I am yours
I am no perfect wife
But I am yours
I am a clutz, talk heaps and even finish the words for you,
But when I am at my best and when I am not,
It feels like you ceaselessly see something in me that I don't
Holding me, grabbing me
With your arms or without
I am yours

I thank God for you
I dont know how you can be so wonderful to me like this
I am way NOT over you
Happy Thursday my love

Jacaranda

A couple of weeks ago I met a young lady who is relatively new to the area. With curious excitement she pointed at a tree like the one in the picture above and asked us what it was called. I shook my head and said I had no idea. She exclaimed at its beauty and went on to narrate how these trees had just blossomed when Spring started.

Why am I blogging about this? Because after this conversation, I began to realise that there were about three such trees on the street where I live, on the path to the grocery store and quite a number in school. They are beautiful but I had not noticed them before.

The purpose of this is:

... NOT to suggest to my single guy friends that there are beautiful flowers in their midst if only they would open their eyes! (even though this is TRUE)

... NOT to get you to figure out the street on which I live

... NOT to turn you into'plant' people

but I write things so I can remember them. I am writing this to remind myself to look for the Jacaranda... Not  to allow myself to be bogged down by the long list of things that I need to do', the 'heat', 'traffic'  or 'congestion' of life ..so much that I miss the Jacaranda. I want to be able to stop and enjoy the beauties that God has give me in this life. Stop for a bit... long enough to see and smell the purple flowers and give thanks. It makes a difference

But....

Not sure who will read this one... It has been ages! I am not even sure I still know how to do this (as if I ever did!). Anyway... It has been a crazy semester in more ways than one. I have been cramming my head to find words for all my assignments that by the time I wanted to blog, my words had gum(were over)! People who know me well find it hard to believe that I can run out of words but apparently it is possible! I even find myself below the word limit in assignments and I search high and low for words! (Yes... me the kasuku!)

I have had a couple of 'overwhelmed' moments recently. Some of them have been in little things and big things. I have experienced that feeling of 'I can't deal with this'... 'I'm tired out'... 'God please make it stop!' And I have a feeling some of you might have even dealt with stronger feelings as you grappled with complex things that are not how they should be or could be or how you want them to be and it can be in more than one area of life.

I am beginning to rant on and on and finish my words so I'll get to the point! Did you know that Paul- the big time spiritual guru in the Bible felt that way?! Hmmm....

 2 Corr 1:8-9 For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death.

The guy even as if wanted to die!!! I am sure he had good reason for his feelings. The truth is that life happens. Stuff does not always go right even when you do everything 'right'. Joseph did no wrong but found himself at the bottom of a pit his brothers had thrown him into, then he was sold off as a slave(like seriously?) and even when he did that work real well and turned down the Mrs who wanted to sleep with him, he ended up in jail! Yup.. stuff happens. But there is a 'but'... there is always a 'but'...

 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.. 1 corr 10:13

I have been encouraged that even though I feel stretched out, God enables me to handle. He believes in me and knows that even in my weakness, I am strong. Even for Paul who despaired, he concludes with a 'but' (remember I told you there is always a 'but')

But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 2 Corr 1: 9b

Did I mention that the semester is still going on? Yup.. I have six assignments due next week :-) Gotta go! All the best as you fight your battles this week. God be with you- and me too!

P.S This song blessed me today

Ebilowozo...

I remember standing with you under the fene tree,
We shared ball-gum,
Adding and adding to the mass in our mouths till the money run out
You and I were probably 7 and 8 or 8 and 9.

I remember playing with you and everyone at the swings and in the pool at Resort beach,
I awoke from a nap,
Tried to sleep again because I was anxious on realising we were by ourselves.
You took no notice and just read your book.

I remember your sister's birthday party,
Feeling nervous around you, hanging on to your every word.
At the treasure hunt, I picked a sweet you directed me to
and kept it for more than five years...
First I didn't want to eat it ever!
But then I was a child and knew better.

I knew your phone number by heart,
But did not have the courage to call and speak to you,
I did call though, but hang up just as the receiver was lifted.
No, I did not do it once or twice.

I tricked your dear auntie into reciting all the birthdays she knew by heart,
And listened and listened and listened..
Till September :-)

I had not seen you for years until that time my school visited yours,
You were standing by the chapel when I passed,
That's when I heard it- you said my name!
You remembered me!
We started writing to each other letters after that
I cherished every one.

Then there was that morning in Malawi,
We were chatting and I looked into your eyes
It felt like I had beheld the depth of a beautiful being,
It felt like I was seeing you for the first time!
There was a force... kinda like a magnetic field around you,
I wanted to open my heart to you
And tell you that I could see yours!
I did not know how I could ever recover from that moment.

Many years passed,
Life happened and in many ways I felt like we had grown apart,
But its strange how despite the fact that you were far away,
And I saw you like once a year (if I was lucky)!
In the silences, the phone calls and emails,
I always felt like you got me
In ways that many didn't.

I did not think that you cared for me,
But a part of me hoped that maybe...
Then came that phone call when you said that you did.
I was so angry with you,
How could you have been keeping that to yourself?
(You know that none of your excuses count)

And then came that night in Malawi,
When we finally met again after the years and the phone call,
I had so much to say!
So many questions!
Somehow,
Words faded.
I looked into those eyes again
They said everything I needed to know