GaHiSco (aka Gayaza) reminisce...

This is possibly the only time in the year that I actually miss being in secondary school. I just really miss Gayaza at Easter time. I totally(ok, maybe not totally) did not mind that we did not get to go home for that break but stayed at school. We had such a great programme! It began from Palm Sunday. This year, I realised that it was Palm Sunday towards the end of the day when I was checking out my facebook page! Imagine!!!!! We had even gone to church but nada palms! Nada Hosanna in the highest!!! Nada! At least in Uganda, the boda boda guys remind you cause almost everyone has a palm leaf. I did not see any palm leaves this year in this Bulaaya of mine :-(

In school,the A-levels would do an Easter play- Part one on good Friday, finishing the story on Easter night. And how I loved Easter morning! We would rise early and join the chapel choir, walking around the whole school from teachers' houses to the different girls' dormitories starting at 5a.m singing Easter carols and shouting: The Lord is Risen. Then, waiting for the people we are singing to to respond: He is Risen indeed(if they were awake). The service that followed was such a big deal especially when I was in S.1- People came to school with Easter 'veeh'(clothes) which was a new concept as I had never had clothes specifically for Easter. I felt a little left out but eventually found a way to make it work. I remember a friend styled my hair using papers which I had to sleep with in my hair from the previous night. I think the hairstyle helped. I loved the carols: He is risen; Up from the grave He arose; He is risen,risen,risen :-)

Even in the absence of such nice tradition, I am still able to enjoy this period. And that is not just cause of the public holidays(for which I thank You Lord!) but because I do realise how big a deal this all this. He that endured humiliation on the cross; He that bore the weight of the sin of the world- so much that the Father turned His face away; He that conquered sin and death and rose again triumphant; He is my Saviour. He is my Lord.

He died. But, He rose again- Hallelujah! The story does not end with dying.

School time :-)

Munange 'Academia' has started so it may show  up once in a while on the blogs :-) I am adjusting to all the 'computerness' in my course and even beginning to see it as a huge blessing! Just know.. I .T is my new friend! It helps a lot and really simplifies life though it ain't too great at first impressions. Turns out there are programmes which can help with referencing(Endnote) These guys record lectures so we can re-watch them online if we need to. Slides and study guides are available online as well as library links for most of the required readings which are available online!!! And did I mention, we also have online tutors!! Eh! What is this???!!! Its a ka brain heaven of sorts.

I appreciate the little things: lectures on time, countless good toilets with tissue, mid semester breaks(ok,this one week off is not a small thing!) and it has been a while since I was actually taught so I do enjoy that heaps. When I told my mum, she said that I have no excuse to fail! Trust her to turn my bliss into pressure!!!

I am learning and trying real hard to put in the work and make the most of this.

I can't choose for you!

Sometimes that thought is comforting and other times it is overwhelming and burdensome!

Its comforting when watching someone who has to chose between two difficult options. For example: to take very difficult medication that drains energy with heaps of side effects that is expensive and might not work.. versus to let the disease take its natural course and die :-(

But there are times when I think of..
The very obese man who is puffing away at a cigarette. Does he know that he is at double risk for like ten different diseases that I can think of off-head? Atherosclerosis, Stroke, Ischaemic heart disease, Cancers:lung, oesophageal, pancreatic etc, peptic ulcer disease and reflux oesophagitis, Diabetes and Hypertension????

The 13 year old giggling in the dark corner with a young lad. Does she know that even she could get pregnant and that could really change her life? That early sex is  risk factor for cancer of the cervix? That there are many teenagers who were born with HIV so even if she is his first sexual partner she can get HIV from him?

The friend fighting hard to keep a relationship with a guy who has already moved on but didn't have the courtesy to tell her. He doesn't call or text or see her, she continues to try.

My children(who all have names by-the-way!) who will be born into this world with all its confusions and perversions...

I cant choose for you! We all know it always seems easier to choose for other people than to do it for ourselves. Its easier to watch someone else and wonder how they can do this or that or the other but somehow, we fail to realise that we, in one way or another are doing or have done similar misguided and wrong things before.

I just sometimes wish that we didn't have to choose. That all the possible bad/wrong choices could somehow be eliminated from the population. That there would be no guns so they could never ever get in the hands of teenagers or people trying to kill their friends. That on your wedding day, you suddenly get 'private parts' which disappear when you walk out of the house and only reappear when you are with your spouse. That life was like an exam which instead of having objectives A to E just had A only.. Kubanga  life can be soooo confusing!

And yet when I think about it, this is one of the reasons we looked forward to being 'adults'. We liked to wake up and instead of being told what the plan for the day was, we could pick up a magazine and decide what we would do that day. We looked forward to this! (Oba why?)

I have often wondered why there was forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden. Why did God have to show them fruit which they shouldn't eat? Why not do away with it or hide it in heaven  from them? It was thus then as it is now; they had to choose.

We have to choose. Even God doesn't present His way only. He shows us His way and lets us choose Him. I guess knowing that there are other girls but my husband chose me kinda adds a bit of value to our relationship. I guess if I was the only girl and he came to me, I would probably never really know if he wanted to be with me or if he just kinda had to.

"In between"

Now that is one place I don't like to be..
When we've set off for Kisoro from Namirembe and we are only in Lyantonde with about 8 hours to go..
When I have just started a ward round and the ward is crammed with a gazillion patients..
When you have just sat down in a salon and the lady is plaiting braids- the smallest size..
When you have just laid the foundation for the house and the building is yet to take shape...
Its that place after the excitement of beginning, when the reality of the task ahead really hits.

Recently, I was at a get together to welcome the new students. My classmates were a bit surprised that I am a fresher like them cause I was talking about how I can't wait to finish! I don't like jooouuuurneeeys. I like to get to the destination! Me I want to be a public health specialist!! Naye, there is no way of dodging the 'in between'. The place where all the work has to be done before the reward of completion.

Jesus was in the 'in between' in the garden of Gethsemane. He was heavy and he cried out to God to take away the cup of suffering. In Mtt 26: 42, He says something interesting:
“My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”

I think I had forgotten that it wasn't easy for Jesus to die. It wasn't easy for Him to go through the excruciating pain that he knew awaited. It wasn't the easy path that He chose but He still went through with it. He went through with it. Some of you might think that it was easy because He knew that He would resurrect. He still had to go through the dying part.. The only way that cup was going away was if He drank it.

Thank You Lord for paying the price for my freedom even though it really cost You. Help me to remember that just because something feels hard for me to do and I may struggle, it does not mean that I should not do it. Help me to trust You in the difficulties and not be one that only takes the easy way out.

Do the work :-)

chill

This is just one happy dude. He looks all excited about the world like he just got back from the trenches in the war and walked into an air conditioned shopping mall with roller coasters. He even has a medal that shows he got credit for some of his hardship in the war. He is clearly on holiday - no gun/ sword/ pistol does he carry.

I have been like that dude in many ways:
- I feel victorious over battles fought and won. I even sometimes think I carry a medal that says something like: Grace struggled with that but its over now! She won.
- I walk around so easily drawn to things in this world, checking out this and that.
- I feel like oh! Now I don't have to be so different anymore! I can blend in with the civilians! The war is over.. Life goes on! Bring it on!

Today I realised that the war rages on. I realised that while I chal, the enemy advanced. He started encroaching again,using windows and doors I had opened. He came in disguised among the things I like. He almost regained my territory while I sat down shining my medals! He almost beat me. Not because I can not fight nor because I do not have a good commanding officer.. but because I stopped fighting.

The war is not over.

No more sleeping on job :-)

⁸ Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
(1Pet 5:8-9)

Vineyards and vegetable gardens

I was listening to a speaker called Keith Moore a couple of months ago. It isn't something I usually do but my playlist was on shuffle and it turned out I had a couple of teachings on my laptop. He was speaking on Nabboth and king Ahab.(1 Kings 21)

Many of you might have heard the story before. King Ahab is the guy who was married to the famous Jezebel. Anyway, Ahab sees this nice vineyard besides his palace. It happened to belong to Nabboth. He asks Nabboth whether he can give it to him in exchange for a better one or sell it to him. Nabboth refuses because it was his family inheritance. What is interesting is that Ahab the KING then goes off and sulks! He doesn't eat or even leave his room for days(some sulking??!!) until his wife(read Jez the belle) asks him what the problem is. She tells him not to worry that she will fix it. She gets Nabboth killed and gives her sulky hubby the land he wanted for his vegetable garden.

It is almost hard to believe that a KING who owned soooooo much including fields, silver and gold, would go on a hunger strike/super sulk because he couldn't get the ONE piece of land next door. How often this happens to me! I become so conscious of what I don't have and fail to see what I have. Othertimes, I can see what I have but I fail to enjoy it because my mind is so focussed on what I don't.

This Nabboth story spoke to me majorly at a time in my life when certain things were not going according to plan. It all really hit me when my hubby was gone for about a week and I felt fake because I was by myself, had no job, had not made many friends and I felt like I was doing nothing with my life. God helped me realise that I had an 'Ahab mentality'. I thank Him for giving me perspective. I began to see how blessed I was and looking back now..I wonder what I was mopping about.

Help me Lord to always have perspective.

Give thanks and enjoy what you have:-)