I can only imagine

We had the magical evening- the one that involved staring into each others eyes for hours (real hours), words were spoken and not spoken... hands were held for the first time and my my did the sparks fly!

This continued the next day as I awoke with a song in my heart and happiness that could not be explained. I was thrilled when I saw him again and caught him staring at me not once or twice :-) My did I feel so beautiful!

He then got on  flight to the end of the world (a.k.a Australia).

I was confused. It had all happened so fast. What was I to do? Was all of "this" even real? Was it all in my head? But he hadn't yet even said the "L" word! My heart was fluttering all over the place.
And just like that, we started our loooooong distance relationship. Skype was our bff for two years. My non-tech-savy self learnt how to make so many things work. With my laptop which had no microphone and a battery that lasted 3 whole minutes, this dating thing was no walk in the park but we larnt how to make it work. I figured out the perfect lighting which could even make jammies look dope! Learnt how to give virtual hugs and bond across the oceans.

I knew that we would be together again sometime. We talked about it and longed for it. Then came the time when he actually set off for Uganda. What??? I could not believe it!!! I was super excited but I was also totally surprised by how scared I was. Would it be the same? Would he be as excited about me in person? What if all these lovey-duvey things were just easier to tell someone you don't have to see and hang with for rio. What if we would not connect when we met again after all the time that had passed? Had I just been extrapolating stuff? Was this relationship really real? What if he didn't like how I looked in natural light with no filters???

I panicked! Didn't know what to wear or how to prepare. You see.. we had been chatting in jammies...Not much of that dress up stuff. Reality was so hard and scary!

He had said he that would be coming to our house. I went up the road to meet him. As I walked closer, my fear remained. I did not know what to expect. I walked nervously towards him until he saw me. We rushed towards each other and he grabbed me. I do not know how long he held me in his arms. But when he held me and spoke gently to me, I knew. I knew that it was for real. All of it. Me. Him. Me and him. Us. I was muted. I had no questions. This was not in my head. He was here. Loving me. Wanting me. Yes, my guy from the phone was here.

Truthfully, that moment that night gives me hope as I look forward to seeing my Saviour. I feel like me and the Lord are now kinda in a long-distance situation where although He is such a Huuuuge part of my life and I talk to Him everyday, but I don't see Him. Sometimes I am temped to question whether "all of this is in my head". But in my heart I know that when I see Him, it will be better than I imagined. My rock, my God, my Friend and My King, I look forward to the day that my faith will become sight.

Spotless???

source: http://bgfons.com/upload/cloth_texture622.jpg

A white cloth can tell two tales:
1. It belongs to a very careful user who walks meticulously, careful not to get stained. Takes other precautions like wearing aprons or gowns over the material when at work to prevent spills.
2. It belongs to one who is not using it. It sits clean in its wrapping untouched, unblemished and unused

Where am I going with this?

I guess I feel like I am being challenged by guy number 3 in the parable of the talents in Matthew 25. Unlike his predecessors who had multiplied their talents, he said to the master:
‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’ 

Logically one could argue that at least he hadn't squandered the gold or made an investment and lost all the money. Wouldn't that have been much worse? What would he have had to show the master if something bad had happened and he had no gold to show when he returned? But instead of being grateful that the servant still had the exact amount of gold he had been given, the master called him wicked and lazy!

Wicked? Huh? Lazy?? Turns out it is actually wicked and lazy of us to do nothing with what we are given. To just try and stay pure, uncontaminated by the world without actually getting out there, sowing seed and working what He has given us. Of course so many things can go wrong! But you see, the master hasn't gifted or chosen you so that you can guard your light by hiding it under a bowl or digging a deep safe place to keep it.

source: http://thestressoflife.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/hiding.jpg

He is calling us to get up and try. Who knows, maybe your singing or blogging will get better? Maybe you will become a better financial analyst? Maybe you can be a part of what He is doing in our world? Maybe you can grow and surprise yourself. Who knows? What I do know, is that there is no hiding. Get out there and try. The master thinks you can or He wouldn't have put all these things within you and chosen you. He avails His grace to help us to tell a different tale of the white cloth.

I finished uni by the way(so sorry I didn't tell you guys!). I therefore moved from being a student to being unemployed. I sit here pondering on what this word means for me... What should I be doing differently? Maybe I need to stop waiting for the job to be the means by which I channel my energies? Maybe there is more I can do where I am now? Well, I will be thinking on this!

Pearls and swine

One of my not so strong points is that I have never really been a blunt or candid person and I think that while there might be many reasons for this, it is partly because my default settings often demand that I give people the benefit of the doubt. Many our table conversations at home include my husband shaking his head after a while and asking me why I am defending some random person that doesn't even know my name.

My mum says that I am naive. She seems to think that I perceive the world as being full of rainbows and marshmallows. That I trust people too much and stuff like that. Maybe she is right. I got spanked for leaving the house by myself when I was eleven to help a stranger find a home they were looking for- and I wasn't even sure which house they were after! And I did have a record for having way to many interactions in taxis at home which may have included giving away my phone number. I was also the girl that would be excited when in a taxi by myself (plus the conductor and driver) even if it was after dusk because I felt like I was having private service. I did invite some two men into my home for lunch when I bumped into them on the street- I had met them only once before at a gathering and I was home by myself.

Maybe I am a little naive. I hope that being able to write about means I am much better now? Maybe!

Anyway... Being here.. I have gotten used to being asked all kinds of questions (sometimes by random people):

Where are you from? 
How long have you been in Australia?
Why did you come here?
Are you planning on staying here or going back?
Did you marry here or in Uganda?
What are you doing now? 
And oh.. how can I forget the old time favourite: How come you speak English? (Or.. your English is good!?? Which is sometimes coupled with where did you go to school? (I have been asked before if I have gone to school)

Questions... questions. I too like asking questions because I am the curious kind and my church family didn't help because we just used to ask each other questions all the time! Ranging from: who do you have a crush on to what do you believe is your life purpose? (Oh Sandra, I miss thee!):-D. Anyway, I often assumed that these people's questions were motivated by curiosity, sometimes genuine concern or other times just making small talk. I often answered honestly and even (sometimes) took time to do a bit of education when I would hear stereotypes and stuff. I would often argue with my friends that most people are not really racist, they are mostly ignorant and have a skewed world view that has been influenced by media, upbringing and lack of exposure.

Recently, I had an encounter which dumbfounded me. Completely. I was muted. I could not believe the blatant and shameless manner in which one daughter of Eve spoke/interrogated/disrespected my hubby and I when we met her at a friendly event. I couldn't believe it. I know you are probably wondering why I was so surprised, don't I read the news or at least follow FB and see all the videos of stuff that happens to pips all over the world??!!! I do! I do! But I find it hard to accept that people can have badness in them. I honestly find it hard to grasp that a person can lie in their bed, plan to kill another and actually follow through! That actually when we put fences, barbed wire and electric defenses up, we are not trying to keep out wild animals but rather, other people like us. That it's people who rape, defile and do all kinds of hideous things to each other. People!!! I guess that's why Jesus came!

Anyway, I got home deflated, trying to figure out  what the Lord wanted me to learn from all of this. I was just about to decide to "keep" myself and not bother interacting with people when I got it!

23 When Jesus returned to the Temple and began teaching, the leading priests and elders came up to him. They demanded, “By what authority are you doing all these things? Who gave you the right?”

24 “I’ll tell you by what authority I do these things if you answer one question,” Jesus replied. 25 “Did John’s authority to baptize come from heaven, or was it merely human?”

They talked it over among themselves. “If we say it was from heaven, he will ask us why we didn’t believe John. 26 But if we say it was merely human, we’ll be mobbed because the people believe John was a prophet.” 27 So they finally replied, “We don’t know.”

And Jesus responded, “Then I won’t tell you by what authority I do these things.

(Mt 21:23-27)

I am now convinced that the older I get, the more Jesus' actions make sense to me! Mannnn! I can imagine how undermined the Son of God must have felt by this line of questioning. I think it's interesting how Jesus responds to these people and it seems to have something to do with the "why" behind their questions. Most times the teachers of the law were seeking to trip him so He often flipped their questions. No wonder He sometimes spoke in parables so they would have no idea what he was saying! But on the contrary, when the disciples asked him questions, He often spoke to them plainly- lessons that sometimes involved sharp rebukes.

I am learning the hard way that there are actually pigs (Ayaaaaah! I said it!). Yup. Pigs. Swine. (Okay Grace, enough!). Anyway, there are times when I shouldn't share my precious pearls with these pigs but I should guard them jealously. Help me God to know the difference.

Aint nobody got time for that!

Forever

Source: http://ashadeofpen.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/forever.jpg

It's so hard to believe that something... anything can be forever in this world where so much is not only temporary but also soooo unreliable. Many things about today, let alone tomorrow are so unsure so how about forever?

In our world of disposable cups, plates and forks, more job insecurity than security, divorce. Its so hard to believe that something, anything can be forever. It makes it so hard to put all your eggs in one basket because who knows whether the basket will hold, not have holes or whatever! What if the basket leaves you and you are left with no eggs? (like literally!)

So much uncertainty! We make friends for years then everyone starts moving away.. for work, school, marriage, life. Mannn... starting the work of making new friends again is hard only for them to move as well or maybe it's you that does the move this time. Then there's also climate change! (Now let me just leave that one alone!)

With everything so up and about... what can we count on? Like for real. Where can we put our eggs?

The Bible talks about how God's love endures forever. That there is nothing that can separate us from His love- He who loved us before we cared a sniff about Him. He who has been from the very beginning. He who will be here till the end. His love is forever. I don't always understand what He does or why He rolls the way He does. But His love is sure. It is on Him that I place all my eggs. Even if they break, I know that He'll be in charge of whatever is going on with that. (And maybe sometimes eggs have to break to hatch ;-) )

Weakness is strength

http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/313/f/0/david_vs_goliath_by_thamzmasterpiece-d5kg813.jpg

"Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.  Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” 1 Corr 1:18-22

Moses the stutterer. David the youngest and nearly ignored shepherd boy.  Gideon- huh.. oba what?? Mary the previously unknown virgin. Peter the fumbler (Jesus even "called him" Satan!). Grace the girl.

Forgive me Lord when I shirk from the fight
Forgive me Lord
Turns out I have been asking myself the wrong question repeatedly

Oh how often I forget that because I am in the Lord, my weakness does not have to be weak. Oh how many times I forget about the times that He has raised me up and caused me to stand on high mountains... that there have even been times I felt weak but I got to lead the strong. Times when I felt like I had reached the end of my rope only to find heaps of sisal.

Walk away from the track
Shut my mouth
Fold my hands
And sit down
Saying to myself "I can't"

Because now I get it
Now I know
When I am weak, then I am strong
Because your power is made perfect in my weakness
I can actually do all things through Your strength

I ask myself: Can I do it? Can I take it? Can I overcome?
Instead I should be asking: Is it Your will for me? 
Because as it turns out
I have power that I know nothing about.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Eph 3:20-21

Kwetolora

Man! Why can't I just grow vertically??!!

Source: http://www.cartoonstock.com/cartoonview.asp?catref=dre0495

 I just read this blog post from over a year ago. Eh! Was it that long ago? Eh! It is really possible to kwetolora with zero progress?

Anyway... here I am again.

In this place that I know so well.

The place where I make resolutions to exercise. Only to return days later with nothing to show for my big well thought out and even discussed plans.

I come here so often that I am even fearful of planning to exercise out loud. I feel like this place will just smile and wait for me to come back empty handed.

Many of my friends have succeeded in it and I have listened to their tales of how exercise has become a part of their lives and they are even enjoying the benefits of feeling fresh, energized and of course ...looking hawt.

Well... I am gonna give it another go. And yes, because I am still such a extrovert, I am saying it out loud! I start tomorrow (Nanti it's already night time so I can't start today).

Why am I doing this?

• Because I need to be more resilient (you know? Like those people who don't just start and stop and start and stop and start and stop without following through!)
• Because my BMI is not healthy and I am not growing any taller... Oh also I even haven't had kids yet!
• Because if I do not do something about this now, it will only get worse not better and I will have to come back to this place. Maybe now is a better time than later.
• Because I feel like God wants me to. And that if I do not obey, I will not grow but will keep coming back to this place (Wait! I said that already!!!)

"Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them..." John 13:17

I confess... I wrote this post like 3 weeks ago and wasn't ready to put it up... I praise God that it I have made progress since then and actually have a routine :-) Miracles I tell you! Miracles! Onwards and Upwards :-)

Waiting...

This scripture is saved on my desktop at the moment and has been for a few weeks now because mannn... God's ways are so different from mine so I am trying to keep this in mind as much as I can.

On the day that the tabernacle was set up, the cloud covered the tabernacle, the tent of the testimony. And at evening it was over the tabernacle like the appearance of fire until morning. 

So it was always: the cloud covered it by day[a] and the appearance of fire by night. 

And whenever the cloud lifted from over the tent, after that the people of Israel set out, and in the place where the cloud settled down, there the people of Israel camped. 

At the command of the Lord the people of Israel set out, and at the command of the Lord they camped. As long as the cloud rested over the tabernacle, they remained in camp.

Even when the cloud continued over the tabernacle many days, the people of Israel kept the charge of the Lord and did not set out. 

Sometimes the cloud was a few days over the tabernacle, and according to the command of the Lord they remained in camp; then according to the command of the Lord they set out. 

And sometimes the cloud remained from evening until morning. And when the cloud lifted in the morning, they set out, or if it continued for a day and a night, when the cloud lifted they set out. Whether it was two days, or a month, or a longer time, that the cloud continued over the tabernacle, abiding there, the people of Israel remained in camp and did not set out, but when it lifted they set out. 

At the command of the Lord they camped, and at the command of the Lord they set out. They kept the charge of the Lord, at the command of the Lord by Moses. Num 9:15-23

You know how the Bible says that God does not change? Well... He doesn't :-) I have seen some interesting similarities in the way that He led the Israelites and how He seems to be choosing to lead me. Right now, I kinda feel like the cloud has settled. And It has not been for two days or a month. And I have a feeling it is going to be longer.

source: http://porthminsterview.wordpress.com/2010/08/11/the-waiting-game/

God is clearly not fussy just about destinations but also the journey there. He could have let the Israelites take the shorter path but it took them 40 years and many of them did not even live to see it. It wasn't just about Canaan... it was about them too. God wanted them to really be His people and He used the journey to reveal Himself to them as He sought to teach them His way.

The destination I have in mind is still a bit far way so sometimes it's hard to wait for the cloud to move. Help me Lord to be patient for Your timing and Your way. That in this place and on this journey with You I will learn what it is that You are seeking to teach me and I will see and hear You. Help me to continue to wait until You say go.

A different path

Image source:http://www.inspiredleap.com/blog/2012/07/11/are-you-in-need-of-a-different-path/

So often I forget how as a person of the Way, God is calling me to a different path. A different standard. One that will not be understood by the world or myself(at times) but His path. It's pretty amazing how many times this is emphasized in the Bible. I wish I could quote all the verses in context for you! (if you have a spare moment do read around them) In many instances the prior verses describe how things are done in the world... and then it continues to state how it is sooo different for us...

"But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness." 1 Tim 6:11

"And Jesus said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” " Luke 9:60

"....evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it" 2 Tim 3:14

"For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist,fulfill your ministry." 2 Tim 4:5

"As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good." 2 Thes 3:13

Yup! As for me...  the path is different. It's a path of holiness.. a straight and narrow... Its not easy but His grace is sufficient. I have to believe that it is!

In many ways even though as Christians, there are similarities in the path, there are many ways in which yours is different form mine. O how often I forget this! I catch myself comparing myself to other people (Can you imagine? After all these years!)  God knows that I do not understand the current path that my life taking. Sometimes I get overwhelmed asking God for clarity... I want to see the whole path ahead! I do! Many times I want that path to be straight and somewhat predictable. You know... Like how when primary school is done, the next inevitable step is secondary school (I think!). But I am learning to trust Him to lead me a day a time as I learn to fix my eyes on Him. If you look for me and can't find me... Talk to me and don't fully understand me.. Don't worry, take a deep breath... I will be walking on my path.

Image source: http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/decision-road-illustration-person-taking-different-path-compared-to-everyone-else-standing-out-crowd-casting-35337797.jpg

When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” 22 Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” John 21:21

May God give us each the grace to follow His lead daily.

O wandering gaze!

O wandering gaze
Fix your eyes on Jesus

O doubting, questioning heart
Fix your eyes on Jesus

It is He that calls you
He who set you apart
He who knows you better than you know thine self
Your intricacies, beauties and ugliness
He knows and loves you

No matter what you do
They wont fully get it
They wont fathom your path
   or you...
For you see,
They only see in part.

I implore you
I beseech you
I beg you O my soul
Fix your eyes
Not on them
Or on the perishable
   here today, gone tomorrow
Fix your eyes on Jesus

image source:http://www.ccesonline.com/dev/fixyoureyesonjesus.htm

"In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it." John 1:4-5

Legacy of faith

" I don't care whether my great grandchildren know my name or not... but there is a name. A name that is above every other name. A name that I would like them to know. because knowing that name will be the difference between life and death. " 
- Pete Bradbury (paraphrase)

I just want to take this time to say thank you to Daddy and mummy:

You see... I have not always appreciated my Christian heritage because when I was growing up I sometimes felt like it contributed severely to me being a misfit. I can remember a gazillion TV shows which everyone would be talking about at school that had been "banned" in our home. From Riviera to Sunset Beach and even Generations!!!(seriously??!) I even remember the time Daddy sat to watch Friends with us and when the show was over, he asked us to turn off the TV(which he called "the box") and discuss what we had learnt! (Aby's lessons were the best! Claiming to have learnt the opposite of what was being portrayed on the screen e.g "I learnt NOT to have sex before marriage" :-D hehehehehe)

Anyway... I also felt like because of you, many of my friends did not think I could not really understand many of their challenges at home. I would be kept out of conversations because "what did I know anyway?"

But I see clearer now. And I thank you.
Thank you for being exemplary. The faith you spoke about in public is the faith we saw at home. From how you dealt with the house-helpers (who in our home are called Domestic assistants and could even get rank promotions!) to the way you disciplined us. Your faith was never a show. It was real. I could see how it affected your lives. How it affected how you dealt with people from all walks of life.

Thank you for not being afraid to be vulnerable. Not hiding your weakness from us. Sharing even your doubts and struggles in the faith. Listening to you ask God "why" while still coming back to Him helps me overcome my doubts and struggles because I knew that even real Christians can struggle. And as we have grown older, you have increasingly opened up to us about many of your challenges in work, calling, marriage, finances, shared your lives with us and allowed us to really see you.

You have given many things to us but there is nothing more valuable than this faith. I am truly grateful that you shared your faith which is your life. Thinking of you I can confidently say that walking with Jesus does make a difference in life! I want to be like you when I grow up! Help me Jesus, I still falter way too much.

Thank you Lord for Daddy. Thank you for mummy. Thank you for Daddy and Mummy.

Work it!

This is how it starts..

       

But it can become this:

Does it take time, patience? Yes.

Does it take work, effort? Yes

(This seems pretty obvious huh? Yes)

Is the process the same for every plant type? No! Some people even get grafts to get them started but others, seeds.

Alright Grace, you know what you gotta do!

"Don't spend time praying for fruit when you are holding the seed in your hand. Its time to work it!" 
T.D Jakes (paraphrase)

May God help us to maximise the opportunities and gifts that He has given us, to do the work that is required to grow and become better so that we shall not be like that third servant that Jesus talks about in the Parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30). That even when it seems scary knowing how many things COULD go wrong, we shall step out in faith and do what we need to do.


Special thanks to google images for some of the pics captioned here;-)

Learning to be okay..

There are times that I read words that I just cant shake; such as the passage below which is an excerpt from Paul's letter to the Philippians: 

"How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ,[a] who gives me strength."

I still don't really know how to be okay regardless.
Whether people "get" me or not
Whether I excel  or not
Whether I have what I want or not
Whether I am here or not

Here refers to more than just Australia(geographical location) to include where I am at within myself, where I feel like I fit (or don't) within the society, where I am in my journey of life with reference to where I want to be...

Paul says he learnt "the secret" of living in every situation. It seems he learnt it so much that even though change was welcome, he was okay without it. Eh!!!! How do I be like that????

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I am learning that that involves some of the stuff that Paul speaks about earlier in the chapter: 

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I am still learning. 

Speaking of learning.. there is this song! Do have a listen when you can. Not sure if these pretty girls still find time to sing together...But they are damn good!

Have a lovely end of week.

Marriage Foxes and Boxes

"Quick! Catch all the little foxes before they ruin the vineyard of your love, for the grapevines are all in blossom."

Song of Songs 2:15

Our wedding anniversary was about a week ago. I am still very excited that we have made two years in marriage - Yaaaay :-) I took sometime out to pray cause my heart was a bit heavy and I realised the bu foxes that were trying to disturb our vineyard. Thankfully, I have started chasing them nga bukyali. It is kinda hard to explain but I have tried and written about it below. For the first time ever, the husband is featuring on the blog in person!!! (He commented after I showed him my writing and I decided to include it :-) 

I pray that God will help you to see the things that could ruin your wonderful relationships so that you can face them and sort them and your love can blossom. Sometimes they can be really small things like sand in shoes...

Grace's Jazz:

No, you don't fit
You never have
The edges are too straight
The height is not right
You don't fit in that box

Or even in the other boxes that I read about on facebook
Or in romantic novels
Or in magazines or newspapers
No
You don't fit there either

Why do I keep forgetting this?
I guess maybe it's because I just find myself comparing you to what I have known
Or what I have come to expect
My extrapolations of my previous experiences
Or even those of my friends
Are projected onto you my love

I know that when you look at me
You see no cardboard
You see me
Strong and weak
Beautiful and ugly
You see me

I am sorry
For not stripping the cardboard
And seeing you for who you are
You
My love and the desire of my heart

The husband's reply:
I am happy that I do not fit in a box
I fit with you
I wasn't made for the box :-)

Dangerous seed!

image source http://vermontcompost.com/compostopedia/gardening-tips-seed-sowing/

I remember the evening I was in the hospital winding up for the day when She came... 

I found her lying on the hospital bed. A young adolescent all by herself... crying and afraid. She told of how she had had some trouble at the home where she lived and had gone to report to the police. The policeman offered to help and said she could spend the night in the cell. That night he raped her. Not knowing where to turn, she kept this to herself until she overheard rumours that the policeman was HIV positive! One week after the dreadful nightmare, She finally found courage to seek help.

I shuddered. I shuddered not only because of her pain and humiliation but also because the doctor in me did not know how to help her. You see.. in order to build a good case against a rapist, one needs 'medical evidence' which is often bruising from the vaginal mucosa that is mostly visible within 24 or maybe 48 hours of the incident (and that is really stretching it). Unfortunately because of the rich blood supply in the groin area, healing happens pretty fast unless one develops very severe injuries which is not always the case. It gets worse... The medication given to protect people who have been exposed to HIV from acquiring the infection (a.k.a post exposure prophylaxis) is most effective within the first 24-48 hours of exposure and the efficacy decreases over time. However, the free medication can be offered up to 72 hours after. She came in after a week :-( 

In conversations with my friends, I realised She was not alone and it was not always a stranger.

Volunteering in the slums, I heard her voice again... 

Many of these girls were often exposed to guys.. men.. uncles.. mother's boyfriends who took advantage of them. They too, did not know where to turn.

Do you know what is universal among all these girls who have been violated? It's not that they all had long or short hair, were a particular skin shade, wore particular clothes of a certain length or tightness... It wasn't that they all wore make-up or even spoke the same language or lived in the same community. It was rather that they all felt shame and guilt following the experience. The kind that is unfounded but hard to erase.

By now most people who have taken time to read it know that the Ant-pornography bill which was recently passed in Uganda (that has been famously called the mini-skirt bill), actually has nothing to do with mini-skirts. However, unfortunately it has been portrayed thus largely by the media and leadership figures such as the minister of ethics. Perceptions like these result in incrimination of women for perverted and often unremorseful actions by men which should be unacceptable. In a weird way, the nature of the publicity for this bill has 'legitimized' bad manners by men in the country who will obviously not take time to read the actual letter of the laws. It has sowed a very bad seed affecting how men view women; an aspect well illustrated in a blog post by Melanie Kitongo. 

Instead we need to be protecting our women. Empowering them to see that NO, IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT!!!! Men need to be admonished to behave responsibly. Perverts and NOT the vulnerable need to feel uncomfortable in our society. We need to be teaching girls how to protect themselves and what to do if they are attacked. We need to also be advocating that our police forces be safer for the public.

A very bad seed has been sown! I hope that following the review of his bill, the media, minister and law enforcing agents in the country will act to protect not expose the vulnerable in our society.

For God and my country.

image source: http://www.thisisafrica.me/opinion/detail/20026/how-decent-is-decent-one-minister-s-sentiments-may-represent-a-larger-problem-in-uganda

"Oh sorry, did my dress make you feel like RAPIST today?? "image source: http://www.scmp.com/news/hong-kong/article/1090759/march-challenges-bias-about-rape-victims

image source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/229894755949121092/

Falling

A couple of weeks ago I went to the Gallery of Modern Art(GOMA) with a friend and the experience was nothing like I had expected. I could not have anticipated the intensity of the somberness or deliberation that it triggered. I found myself quiet (yes, me quiet) and (wait for it...) thinking critically and analytically about my life!!! All this just from viewing a display!!! Man! I was so emotionally drained that I wasn't even able to tour the rest of the gallery and had to head home; very exhausted.

Below are a few shots of the display that did this to me (trust me, the pictures do not do it justice!)

It was called "Falling back to Earth".  The wolves come from different places and begin their journey to the "top". They seem to be making progress.. going higher and even soaring

But.. when they least expect it, that's when IT happens! They hit this invisible wall and start "falling back to earth". 

In the picture you might be able to see how some remain down and struggling after the fall but there are also those who are clearly contemplating rejoining the trek back to the top.

Is it obvious yet how that made me think about life like in an overwhelming way???? Man! The artist (Cai Guo-Qiang) also mentions in a caption at the gallery that the most difficult barriers to overcome are the one that we cannot see. Hmmmm... It is such a fake feeling to feel like you are going round in circles and not making any real progress. Those times when  it is not even clear that you have 'learnt' anything from that past experience but keep repeating the mistakes or whatever. Heb 12:1 says

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us..."

May God help us to identify the "barriers" in our lives, to pay attention and see which things are keeping us from growing in our faith, becoming better in the areas that He has placed us. May He help us to not only see but do the work that it often takes to address those barriers. It's obviously not going to be easy or straightforward that is why the Bible uses words like endurance. We can't give up.  He has got us and actually has good plans for us.

Obviously, there are some barriers that are beyond our control. But even then, by the grace of God, we can get up again and be able to live a life abundant because of God who

"... is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" (Eph 3:20)

Images from http://bmag.com.au/your-brisbane/brisbanes-voice/laura-s/2013/11/25/cai-guo-qiangs-falling-back-earth/; http://blog.qag.qld.gov.au/tag/cai-guo-qiang-falling-back-to-earth/; http://www.pinterest.com/9melons/9melons/