I can only imagine

We had the magical evening- the one that involved staring into each others eyes for hours (real hours), words were spoken and not spoken... hands were held for the first time and my my did the sparks fly!

This continued the next day as I awoke with a song in my heart and happiness that could not be explained. I was thrilled when I saw him again and caught him staring at me not once or twice :-) My did I feel so beautiful!

He then got on  flight to the end of the world (a.k.a Australia).

I was confused. It had all happened so fast. What was I to do? Was all of "this" even real? Was it all in my head? But he hadn't yet even said the "L" word! My heart was fluttering all over the place.
And just like that, we started our loooooong distance relationship. Skype was our bff for two years. My non-tech-savy self learnt how to make so many things work. With my laptop which had no microphone and a battery that lasted 3 whole minutes, this dating thing was no walk in the park but we larnt how to make it work. I figured out the perfect lighting which could even make jammies look dope! Learnt how to give virtual hugs and bond across the oceans.

I knew that we would be together again sometime. We talked about it and longed for it. Then came the time when he actually set off for Uganda. What??? I could not believe it!!! I was super excited but I was also totally surprised by how scared I was. Would it be the same? Would he be as excited about me in person? What if all these lovey-duvey things were just easier to tell someone you don't have to see and hang with for rio. What if we would not connect when we met again after all the time that had passed? Had I just been extrapolating stuff? Was this relationship really real? What if he didn't like how I looked in natural light with no filters???

I panicked! Didn't know what to wear or how to prepare. You see.. we had been chatting in jammies...Not much of that dress up stuff. Reality was so hard and scary!

He had said he that would be coming to our house. I went up the road to meet him. As I walked closer, my fear remained. I did not know what to expect. I walked nervously towards him until he saw me. We rushed towards each other and he grabbed me. I do not know how long he held me in his arms. But when he held me and spoke gently to me, I knew. I knew that it was for real. All of it. Me. Him. Me and him. Us. I was muted. I had no questions. This was not in my head. He was here. Loving me. Wanting me. Yes, my guy from the phone was here.

Truthfully, that moment that night gives me hope as I look forward to seeing my Saviour. I feel like me and the Lord are now kinda in a long-distance situation where although He is such a Huuuuge part of my life and I talk to Him everyday, but I don't see Him. Sometimes I am temped to question whether "all of this is in my head". But in my heart I know that when I see Him, it will be better than I imagined. My rock, my God, my Friend and My King, I look forward to the day that my faith will become sight.

Spotless???

source: http://bgfons.com/upload/cloth_texture622.jpg

A white cloth can tell two tales:
1. It belongs to a very careful user who walks meticulously, careful not to get stained. Takes other precautions like wearing aprons or gowns over the material when at work to prevent spills.
2. It belongs to one who is not using it. It sits clean in its wrapping untouched, unblemished and unused

Where am I going with this?

I guess I feel like I am being challenged by guy number 3 in the parable of the talents in Matthew 25. Unlike his predecessors who had multiplied their talents, he said to the master:
‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’ 

Logically one could argue that at least he hadn't squandered the gold or made an investment and lost all the money. Wouldn't that have been much worse? What would he have had to show the master if something bad had happened and he had no gold to show when he returned? But instead of being grateful that the servant still had the exact amount of gold he had been given, the master called him wicked and lazy!

Wicked? Huh? Lazy?? Turns out it is actually wicked and lazy of us to do nothing with what we are given. To just try and stay pure, uncontaminated by the world without actually getting out there, sowing seed and working what He has given us. Of course so many things can go wrong! But you see, the master hasn't gifted or chosen you so that you can guard your light by hiding it under a bowl or digging a deep safe place to keep it.

source: http://thestressoflife.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/hiding.jpg

He is calling us to get up and try. Who knows, maybe your singing or blogging will get better? Maybe you will become a better financial analyst? Maybe you can be a part of what He is doing in our world? Maybe you can grow and surprise yourself. Who knows? What I do know, is that there is no hiding. Get out there and try. The master thinks you can or He wouldn't have put all these things within you and chosen you. He avails His grace to help us to tell a different tale of the white cloth.

I finished uni by the way(so sorry I didn't tell you guys!). I therefore moved from being a student to being unemployed. I sit here pondering on what this word means for me... What should I be doing differently? Maybe I need to stop waiting for the job to be the means by which I channel my energies? Maybe there is more I can do where I am now? Well, I will be thinking on this!

Pearls and swine

One of my not so strong points is that I have never really been a blunt or candid person and I think that while there might be many reasons for this, it is partly because my default settings often demand that I give people the benefit of the doubt. Many our table conversations at home include my husband shaking his head after a while and asking me why I am defending some random person that doesn't even know my name.

My mum says that I am naive. She seems to think that I perceive the world as being full of rainbows and marshmallows. That I trust people too much and stuff like that. Maybe she is right. I got spanked for leaving the house by myself when I was eleven to help a stranger find a home they were looking for- and I wasn't even sure which house they were after! And I did have a record for having way to many interactions in taxis at home which may have included giving away my phone number. I was also the girl that would be excited when in a taxi by myself (plus the conductor and driver) even if it was after dusk because I felt like I was having private service. I did invite some two men into my home for lunch when I bumped into them on the street- I had met them only once before at a gathering and I was home by myself.

Maybe I am a little naive. I hope that being able to write about means I am much better now? Maybe!

Anyway... Being here.. I have gotten used to being asked all kinds of questions (sometimes by random people):

Where are you from? 
How long have you been in Australia?
Why did you come here?
Are you planning on staying here or going back?
Did you marry here or in Uganda?
What are you doing now? 
And oh.. how can I forget the old time favourite: How come you speak English? (Or.. your English is good!?? Which is sometimes coupled with where did you go to school? (I have been asked before if I have gone to school)

Questions... questions. I too like asking questions because I am the curious kind and my church family didn't help because we just used to ask each other questions all the time! Ranging from: who do you have a crush on to what do you believe is your life purpose? (Oh Sandra, I miss thee!):-D. Anyway, I often assumed that these people's questions were motivated by curiosity, sometimes genuine concern or other times just making small talk. I often answered honestly and even (sometimes) took time to do a bit of education when I would hear stereotypes and stuff. I would often argue with my friends that most people are not really racist, they are mostly ignorant and have a skewed world view that has been influenced by media, upbringing and lack of exposure.

Recently, I had an encounter which dumbfounded me. Completely. I was muted. I could not believe the blatant and shameless manner in which one daughter of Eve spoke/interrogated/disrespected my hubby and I when we met her at a friendly event. I couldn't believe it. I know you are probably wondering why I was so surprised, don't I read the news or at least follow FB and see all the videos of stuff that happens to pips all over the world??!!! I do! I do! But I find it hard to accept that people can have badness in them. I honestly find it hard to grasp that a person can lie in their bed, plan to kill another and actually follow through! That actually when we put fences, barbed wire and electric defenses up, we are not trying to keep out wild animals but rather, other people like us. That it's people who rape, defile and do all kinds of hideous things to each other. People!!! I guess that's why Jesus came!

Anyway, I got home deflated, trying to figure out  what the Lord wanted me to learn from all of this. I was just about to decide to "keep" myself and not bother interacting with people when I got it!

23 When Jesus returned to the Temple and began teaching, the leading priests and elders came up to him. They demanded, “By what authority are you doing all these things? Who gave you the right?”

24 “I’ll tell you by what authority I do these things if you answer one question,” Jesus replied. 25 “Did John’s authority to baptize come from heaven, or was it merely human?”

They talked it over among themselves. “If we say it was from heaven, he will ask us why we didn’t believe John. 26 But if we say it was merely human, we’ll be mobbed because the people believe John was a prophet.” 27 So they finally replied, “We don’t know.”

And Jesus responded, “Then I won’t tell you by what authority I do these things.

(Mt 21:23-27)

I am now convinced that the older I get, the more Jesus' actions make sense to me! Mannnn! I can imagine how undermined the Son of God must have felt by this line of questioning. I think it's interesting how Jesus responds to these people and it seems to have something to do with the "why" behind their questions. Most times the teachers of the law were seeking to trip him so He often flipped their questions. No wonder He sometimes spoke in parables so they would have no idea what he was saying! But on the contrary, when the disciples asked him questions, He often spoke to them plainly- lessons that sometimes involved sharp rebukes.

I am learning the hard way that there are actually pigs (Ayaaaaah! I said it!). Yup. Pigs. Swine. (Okay Grace, enough!). Anyway, there are times when I shouldn't share my precious pearls with these pigs but I should guard them jealously. Help me God to know the difference.

Aint nobody got time for that!

Forever

Source: http://ashadeofpen.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/forever.jpg

It's so hard to believe that something... anything can be forever in this world where so much is not only temporary but also soooo unreliable. Many things about today, let alone tomorrow are so unsure so how about forever?

In our world of disposable cups, plates and forks, more job insecurity than security, divorce. Its so hard to believe that something, anything can be forever. It makes it so hard to put all your eggs in one basket because who knows whether the basket will hold, not have holes or whatever! What if the basket leaves you and you are left with no eggs? (like literally!)

So much uncertainty! We make friends for years then everyone starts moving away.. for work, school, marriage, life. Mannn... starting the work of making new friends again is hard only for them to move as well or maybe it's you that does the move this time. Then there's also climate change! (Now let me just leave that one alone!)

With everything so up and about... what can we count on? Like for real. Where can we put our eggs?

The Bible talks about how God's love endures forever. That there is nothing that can separate us from His love- He who loved us before we cared a sniff about Him. He who has been from the very beginning. He who will be here till the end. His love is forever. I don't always understand what He does or why He rolls the way He does. But His love is sure. It is on Him that I place all my eggs. Even if they break, I know that He'll be in charge of whatever is going on with that. (And maybe sometimes eggs have to break to hatch ;-) )