Pray

Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Jas 5:13

Panic is a vice that I am ever so prone to. It takes such a brief moment for things to go from good to confusing, chaotic,  and crazy. In these moments, (which were ever so many especially the last couple of months adjusting to being a mommy) I just panic. I remember the evening I was convinced my daughter was semi-conscious and lethargic. I started making a mental a list of potential diagnoses while my mum insisted that the little girl was just sleepy... Mehn! She was right. I wish that was the last time I did a cray. There have been so many more.

I am learning to stop. Breathe and pray. So much easier said and done but at least now that the saying is out of the way, I can get on with the doing.

(P.S I confess that I did cheat by pulling out my stethoscope and giving a quick listen before letting the innocent child get some rest :-D )


 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7

It came!!!!

This is my testimony. It means a lot to me although it may seem a little bit weird and maybe even TMI for some. But I am so grateful that not only did it come but it also keeps coming :-)

those who dreamed...

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
    we were like those who dreamed.
Then it was said among the nations,
    “The Lord has done great things for them.”
 The Lord has done great things for us,
    and we are filled with joy.

 Restore our fortunes, Lord,
    like streams in the Negev.

Those who sow with tears
    will reap with songs of joy.
 Those who go out weeping,
    carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy, 

    carrying sheaves with them  (Ps 126)

Thank You Lord for reminding me this. Regarding the areas that You have asked me to wait on You, I know Father that when they come to pass, I shall be "like those who dreamed". My mouth will be filled with laughter and there will be the echo that indeed You have done good things for us. Until then Lord, I ask for the grace to honour You in this "place". That I will continue to sow even if it be with tears. That I will continue to trust You. Amen.

I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
 Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord. - Ps 27:13-14

If you knew... you would ask

When I found out that we were pregnant, I had many mixed emotions. I was happy, excited that our little person was growing inside me. However, I was also quite freaked out. It was daunting to think about being a parent in this crazy day and age, not to mention that money was not flowing like water and my career mix was up in the air. I was glad it's universally acceptable not to tell everybody immediately. I really appreciated the time to process :-)

From time to time the anxieties would creep in... (Grace, O you of little faith). There were days of tears (let's blame the hormones;-) ) and days of excited anticipation. And days of anxiety like after visiting baby shops and looking at the price tags for those little clothes!!! Goodness!!! (I still have no idea what we are paying that much for). Anyway, one Sunday while at church, the Lord spoke to me again from what might be a familiar Bible story of "the woman at the well":

When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.)
Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”Jn 4:7-10 (colours mine)

Jesus was asking her for water but in fact, He wanted to give her what she really needed- to quench a thirst that was so deep within her. You get that? He asked her for something but actually He wanted to give to her. Since then, often when I start to feel overwhelmed and aware of my inadequacies, I remember that even when Jesus asks me to be a parent, I need to know who it is that asks me and ask Him... I need to ask Him...

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Pet 1:3

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corr 12:9 

 I am grateful for the many ways that the Lord encouraged me. Like that time a random neighbour whom I had never spoken to before offered us baby clothes or even that time I got that phone call offering me a job:-) God is helping me realise that as much as I had felt like we "planned" to have this baby, it really was His idea and it was Him who was forming her(as I soon discovered) within me and will enable us to do this parenting thing.

With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. (Ps 18:29)

Katono katono

Okuva 23:29-30
"Siribagoba mu maaso go mu mwaka ogumu; ensi ereme okuzika, so n'ensolo ey'omu nsiko ereme okweyongera ku ggwe. Katono katono ndibagoba mu maaso go, okutuusa lw'olyeyongera, n'osikira ensi. "

This is so exciting! I am quoting a luganda Bible! Banange! Happiness is killing me! I feel like a real muganda wife in a gomesi serving my mwami luwombo while kneeling down :-D (I wish!) And just like that, I have managed to completely sidetrack myself from the actual purpose of this post! Anyway, thanks to this this real cool website, people like me can easily enjoy the language. (Do check it out, sometimes some things are so much clearer in vernacular)

Okay, here's the English equivalent:
I will not drive them out from before thee in one year; lest the land become desolate, and the beast of the field multiply against thee. By little and little I will drive them out from before thee, until thou be increased, and inherit the land.

These verses came to mind after one of my impatient moments wanting so many things NOW. I think the memory trigger was my brother's Whatsapp status: "It takes a little time sometimes...". I sang this song to myself and it helped me get perspective (I can't believe this is now considered an "oldie"!)

I then remembered how I my body felt right after having our baby. I confess that at times I did despair, wondering if many things would ever be "normal" again as even sitting down was such a chore! (TMI??) I also remembered how I struggled with breastfeeding as I was having a low milk supply... I remembered these recent events in my life that are so much better now. As I think about other aspects in my life that are taking heaps longer than I like, I think of God's promises and keep trying to tell myself to take deep breaths, not panic or fret, it does take "a little time" sometimes. Katono katono. Slowly slowly. Little by little.

"It takes more than you got right now, 
Give it, give it time"- Amy Grant

The pictures I take with my eyes

You beside me in that difficult hour in the labour room,

    Seeing my most vulnerable and covering me.

You holding me when I am feeling frazzled and alone,

   Taking my hand at just the right moment.

You sitting in the chair, watching me and laughing heartily,

   Smiling and I know you enjoy me.

You choosing me over yourself,

   Caring for me even when you are unwell and justified not to

Pictures I take with my eyes

Pictures that are mine

You looking into my eyes,

   Speaking to me from your heart,

   Letting me in,

   Taking me places you have never taken any other before

Pictures I take with my eyes

Pictures that are mine

You loving me

You loving me

Pictures I take with my eyes

Pictures that are mine

Stored and locked away in my heart

While I was away...

I thought I would make my return to the blogsphere spectacular. Like maybe I would return at the beginning of the year.. or the middle of the year.. or on my birthday.. or our wedding anniversary.. or at least on a Monday. However, clearly that has not happened. On this random Thursday, I have sat down and "returned" :-D

(I had also hoped I would spruce up the blog with new backgrounds and a few more fancy pics and pages but alas!)

Anyway... I am back (or at least that is what I would like to think). You see, today is one of those good days when I have had time to shower and get through most of my daily chores and I even had time to eat all my meals! Yes, you have guessed it, the little one has slept quite a bit today. I wish I could say that this was  her "routine" but... I wish!

So while I was away, I finished grad school, got pregnant and had a cutie. I am going to be referring to her as Gugu. (I got this from one of my very deep conversations with her :-D ). I am now learning day by day this mothering thing. It's a real honour and I am amazed at how much the Lord's grace is sufficient even for this.

I feel like I  have so much to say. Deep breaths Grace. Let's take it a day at a time.

Let Bertlet be Bertlet

For a few weeks now I have been watching "The West Wing". I must confess, it had been a long time since my mind was peacefully captivated by a TV show that didn't leave me feeling stupid afterwards, like I had lost way more than my time watching it. Yes, I was starting from season 1 episode 1. Turns out the show started in the late 90's and no, I had not watched it before. Anyway, yesterday I had to give it up cause of some blasphemous stuff that I just couldn't shake off.

Back to the point of this post... There was one episode that really stayed with me. I like to write cause it helps things "simmer" properly. Anyway, if you have watched it already, bear with my brief narration. The White house administration received results polling done  which indicated that they were down 5 points compared to a previous poll. These weekly polls showed their favorability among potential voters. To this result majority of the senior staff responded questioningly, "... But we did nothing last week". They were curious how such a result was possible at a time when they were being neutral about several issues, taking safe alternatives and talking about Easter eggs.

How often I seek to be like that: NEUTRAL. I don't want to upset people. I don't want to offend. I want people to like me and so I sometimes cower from making my mind up about certain issues or voicing my opinion when I have an appropriate platform. I say nothing, smile an sometimes look down or away or even at best, I may mumble some meaningless mambojambo (mumble-jumble). I think it's odd that when they did nothing, they were still "offensive" to people. It reminded me of a portion of scripture that I do not remember often enough:

“To what can I compare this generation? They are like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling out to others:

 “‘We played the pipe for you,
    and you did not dance;
we sang a dirge,
    and you did not mourn.’

 For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’ But wisdom is proved right by her deeds.” Mtt11:16-19

The episode ended with the president remembering that the reason he sought that position of leadership was so that he could speak up and influence things. He needed to be Bertlet (the president's name). Anyway, so I need to let Nuwera be Nuwera. Jesus had to be Jesus just like John the baptist had to be who God had called him to be whether or not the people "got it".

The one

Well hello,

Little baby,

Your eyes have never seen the sun

You should know

Little baby

That I am the lucky one

I get to be the one to hold your hand

I get to be the one

Through birthdays and broken bones

I'll be there to watch you grow

I get to be the one

Don't feel alone now

Little baby

Don't you hear me singing you a song

I can't wait to show you

Little baby

How to crawl

How to walk 

And how to run

I get to be the one to hold your hand

I get to be the one

Through birthdays and broken bones

I'll be there to watch you grow

I get to be the one

How does someone so small

Hold my heart so tightly

I don't even know you

I love you completely

I get to be the one to hold your hand

I get to be the one

Through birthdays and broken bones

I'll be there to watch you grow

I get to be the one

-  JJ Heller

I know that the Lord has known you way before He started forming you within me. He's got you, little one. We look forward to meeting you.

Your maama.