Smiley face :-)

You are here!
Yaaaay! Yaaay oh my soul!
You are here!
Here with me :-)
Here to stay.

You haven't come to visit.
To sweep me up in a moment's pleasure,
And leave when you see my ugly.
You want to stay.

You want to stay with me.
Even when I make you mad,
Even when I am just fake.

You love me.
And I feel it in my bones,
And I know it in my head
(So I can remember when you make me mad!)

Baby,
It amazes me how much you have made room for me,
In every part of your life!
You don't say say 'me' but 'we'
Not 'mine' but 'ours'.

With you, I can be me!
I can be crazy me, serious me
Sad me, happy me,
Loud me, quiet and needy me.
I can be ME!
And I can grow into a better me

You are in my corner.
I come back to you,
At the end of a great day or a not-so-great-day,
I come home to you.
I know that even in the crowds,
I am not alone anymore.
I am with you,
You are with me,
My husband, my love, my home.

Home

Musings

I have had the honour and challenge of telling people their HIV status. Its so much easier telling other people! When I returned from working in Mbale, I knew I had to do an HIV test. I had been doing operations and truthfully..sometimes when taking off the gloves, I would find that they had gotten torn in the process without my noticing and I had blood on my hands. Yes, the patient was HIV positive. This didn't happen once. Plus all the splashes that would sometimes happen when someone is bleeding and the focus is to stop it A.S.A.P! Anyway, I know I should have been more careful or taken drugs after being exposed.(By the way,that's what y'all should do!!) A test was a big deal and I was kinda anxious about the results because I knew it would be my fault if I was positive. Eh! The pressure sitting on that bench while I waaaaaaaaaaaaited. Thankfully I was negative.

The problem with such results is that in as much as they are great, its not like you get promoted to the next class where there is no HIV and you won't ever have to sit the test again or that there are no chances ever again that you could be positive. Its not even like a driving test which once you pass, all you have to do is keep renewing the licence. Truth is depending on your 'activities', you can even become positive within the hour.

I guess in many areas of life we just want to know that we are done and dusted with particular things, that they will not come back. But this is not often the case. So we find that when the battle is back, we are found with no armour and no weapons to fight.

You might know the story in the Bible of Jesus' temptation. At the end, when the enemy failed, it says: he(the devil) departed from Him(Jesus) until an opportune time. (Lk4:13) There is also the story of the evil spirit which had left a person and after wandering around, says to itself: ‘I will return to the person I came from.’ (Lk 11:24) Excuse me please!! You will what???!!!

It is so annoying that it is not over until it is over! I am surprised when I find myself at this point in my adult life, struggling to be confident; battling to keep away from profane images, kwegamba my list is long(feel free to share yours :-) ) Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to make everyone(including myself) fearful but I pray that God will help us to wake up and be alert.

I was recently reminded that it is not just about 'preserving myself' or 'fleeing' from evil but it is more important to actually 'pursue' righteousness. To seek what is good, to grow, develop become better, know the Lord more, not to be afraid of the risks of 'investment' to the extent that when my master returns, I return to him the 'saved' and unused, unfruitful talent that He gave me.

A guy at church put it nicely:
" I realise that in my backyard, when I don't have grass growing, there are weeds and when I have grass, there are no weeds." 

Grace, take time to plant some grass; it might save you the stress of weeding.

Daddie

I remember...
Our talks in the car- just the two of us. It still amazes me how much you listen to me.

Those moments when you haven't been ashamed or afraid to share your questions and tears in our faith; being so real and authentic in your walk with Him that I still want what you have.

The excitement with which you would bring an extra packet of scones for me :-) or the times you brought splash- after trying to remember everyone's favourite flavours, or when you brought Alvaro. You happily made us happy.

When we were still quite little you would call us on Sunday evening and say: Let's go for a ride! I just recall hopping into the car and going round and round and round the round-about :-)

We never thought you could cook.. until that afternoon you found Josh, Aby and I with sticky fingers as we had failed to make chapati dough. You took over, did the needful and walked off like a super star!

Thank you for loving mummy and together helping me see that this marriage thing is really possible.
Thank you for deliberately making time for us - those family holidays have been very meaningful and good fun. Thank You for exemplifying the father heart of God.
Thank you for loving me and telling me repeatedly that you do and that you are proud of me.
Thank you for accepting the man in my life and supporting us in our journey together.

You have modelled so many things for me. I look up to you, admire you, love you and I am very proud that I get to call you daddy.

Miss you daddy!  Australia is not that far!!!  Happy Birthday!

Stop!

Stop Grace! STOP!!! Stop!!!!! Stop panicking. Stop over anticipating the next thing and not focussing properly at the task at hand. Stop! Stop washing the dishes and pay attention to hubby! Stop running around and take some time to pray- to really pray. Not to just do those things of yours of as if giving God a list on your way to the bus. Nawe... STOP!!! You know He really gives you perspective.

I have been such a busy body. Moving from one thing to the next only to realise that there are still other things that are undone. Almost always feeling tired, getting headaches- many times way before I am even half way the tasks! The husband has been his lovely self and even cooked dinner twice last week. Yes, God bless him.

I was reminded the story of Mary and Martha(Lk 10:38 - 42). Jesus actually said:

 “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Eh! I was a bit upset with Jesus' reaction. As if he can't see that the house needs cleaning, food needs cooking, vegetables need cutting, someone has to make the bed for the visitor!!! Mary just sat there enjoying!!

I pray that amidst the hustle and bustle of life, I may not lose sight of what is truly important.

GaHiSco (aka Gayaza) reminisce...

This is possibly the only time in the year that I actually miss being in secondary school. I just really miss Gayaza at Easter time. I totally(ok, maybe not totally) did not mind that we did not get to go home for that break but stayed at school. We had such a great programme! It began from Palm Sunday. This year, I realised that it was Palm Sunday towards the end of the day when I was checking out my facebook page! Imagine!!!!! We had even gone to church but nada palms! Nada Hosanna in the highest!!! Nada! At least in Uganda, the boda boda guys remind you cause almost everyone has a palm leaf. I did not see any palm leaves this year in this Bulaaya of mine :-(

In school,the A-levels would do an Easter play- Part one on good Friday, finishing the story on Easter night. And how I loved Easter morning! We would rise early and join the chapel choir, walking around the whole school from teachers' houses to the different girls' dormitories starting at 5a.m singing Easter carols and shouting: The Lord is Risen. Then, waiting for the people we are singing to to respond: He is Risen indeed(if they were awake). The service that followed was such a big deal especially when I was in S.1- People came to school with Easter 'veeh'(clothes) which was a new concept as I had never had clothes specifically for Easter. I felt a little left out but eventually found a way to make it work. I remember a friend styled my hair using papers which I had to sleep with in my hair from the previous night. I think the hairstyle helped. I loved the carols: He is risen; Up from the grave He arose; He is risen,risen,risen :-)

Even in the absence of such nice tradition, I am still able to enjoy this period. And that is not just cause of the public holidays(for which I thank You Lord!) but because I do realise how big a deal this all this. He that endured humiliation on the cross; He that bore the weight of the sin of the world- so much that the Father turned His face away; He that conquered sin and death and rose again triumphant; He is my Saviour. He is my Lord.

He died. But, He rose again- Hallelujah! The story does not end with dying.

School time :-)

Munange 'Academia' has started so it may show  up once in a while on the blogs :-) I am adjusting to all the 'computerness' in my course and even beginning to see it as a huge blessing! Just know.. I .T is my new friend! It helps a lot and really simplifies life though it ain't too great at first impressions. Turns out there are programmes which can help with referencing(Endnote) These guys record lectures so we can re-watch them online if we need to. Slides and study guides are available online as well as library links for most of the required readings which are available online!!! And did I mention, we also have online tutors!! Eh! What is this???!!! Its a ka brain heaven of sorts.

I appreciate the little things: lectures on time, countless good toilets with tissue, mid semester breaks(ok,this one week off is not a small thing!) and it has been a while since I was actually taught so I do enjoy that heaps. When I told my mum, she said that I have no excuse to fail! Trust her to turn my bliss into pressure!!!

I am learning and trying real hard to put in the work and make the most of this.

I can't choose for you!

Sometimes that thought is comforting and other times it is overwhelming and burdensome!

Its comforting when watching someone who has to chose between two difficult options. For example: to take very difficult medication that drains energy with heaps of side effects that is expensive and might not work.. versus to let the disease take its natural course and die :-(

But there are times when I think of..
The very obese man who is puffing away at a cigarette. Does he know that he is at double risk for like ten different diseases that I can think of off-head? Atherosclerosis, Stroke, Ischaemic heart disease, Cancers:lung, oesophageal, pancreatic etc, peptic ulcer disease and reflux oesophagitis, Diabetes and Hypertension????

The 13 year old giggling in the dark corner with a young lad. Does she know that even she could get pregnant and that could really change her life? That early sex is  risk factor for cancer of the cervix? That there are many teenagers who were born with HIV so even if she is his first sexual partner she can get HIV from him?

The friend fighting hard to keep a relationship with a guy who has already moved on but didn't have the courtesy to tell her. He doesn't call or text or see her, she continues to try.

My children(who all have names by-the-way!) who will be born into this world with all its confusions and perversions...

I cant choose for you! We all know it always seems easier to choose for other people than to do it for ourselves. Its easier to watch someone else and wonder how they can do this or that or the other but somehow, we fail to realise that we, in one way or another are doing or have done similar misguided and wrong things before.

I just sometimes wish that we didn't have to choose. That all the possible bad/wrong choices could somehow be eliminated from the population. That there would be no guns so they could never ever get in the hands of teenagers or people trying to kill their friends. That on your wedding day, you suddenly get 'private parts' which disappear when you walk out of the house and only reappear when you are with your spouse. That life was like an exam which instead of having objectives A to E just had A only.. Kubanga  life can be soooo confusing!

And yet when I think about it, this is one of the reasons we looked forward to being 'adults'. We liked to wake up and instead of being told what the plan for the day was, we could pick up a magazine and decide what we would do that day. We looked forward to this! (Oba why?)

I have often wondered why there was forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden. Why did God have to show them fruit which they shouldn't eat? Why not do away with it or hide it in heaven  from them? It was thus then as it is now; they had to choose.

We have to choose. Even God doesn't present His way only. He shows us His way and lets us choose Him. I guess knowing that there are other girls but my husband chose me kinda adds a bit of value to our relationship. I guess if I was the only girl and he came to me, I would probably never really know if he wanted to be with me or if he just kinda had to.